


the right cause

by okayhotshot



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, mentions of Qi'ra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 05:43:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13652610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okayhotshot/pseuds/okayhotshot
Summary: “I might be the only person that knows what you really are.”“What’s that?”A conversation Han Solo had with an old friend haunts him his whole life.





	the right cause

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is inspired by the SOLO trailer and my friend Megan and I's conversation about what the rest of that interaction might look like. I hope you enjoy! Just a little something that's been on my mind.

“ **_I might be the only person that knows what you really are.”_ **

“ **_What’s that?”_ **

“ **_An asshole with nothing to fight for.”_ **

“ **_Haven’t found the right cause.”_ **

That conversation you had with Qi’ra nearly a decade ago often comes back to haunt you. At the time she was right, as she was prone to be. You  _ were  _ an asshole and you  _ didn’t _ have damn thing in the world he wanted to fight for that wasn’t for your own personal gain. But you had never had someone put it into words, you had never had someone call you on your bullshit.

You didn’t think much of it at the time. You loved your life. You didn’t think you needed something to stand for. You had your own little crew and your own ship and things were good.

That is until they all left and all that remained was you and the Wookie. But that was probably for the best. You were starting to get attached and attachments never served you well. In your experience, people always left, and this was no exception to the rule. It only served to prove your point.

You never imagined meeting a farm boy and a princess would change your life. Hell, you just thought you got more than you signed up for when you took the job to take Luke to Alderaan. But then he’s begging you to help him save some princess and still all you cared about was the reward. Not the Empire, not the Rebellion, not the poor girl in captivity, you cared about the money.

“She’s rich,” Luke had said, knowing how to get to you despite only knowing you a short amount of time. “I’m sure the reward will be more than you can imagine.”

“I can imagine quite a bit,” you snapped back, but you really couldn’t imagine what you were in for.

That’s how you met Leia, and you think that’s when everything changed. You saw this girl, commanding and mature beyond her years, care so much about her cause, about other people and something in the depths of you changed.

You didn’t necessarily care about the cause, but you cared about the princess. For the first time in your life, you cared about what someone thought of you, and you tried to be a better man.

So you stuck around. You searched for probe droids in feet of snow, you went to meetings with stuffy Rebellion higher-ups, and even followed the princess on mission after mission. And you didn’t want to admit it at the time, but you did start to care about the cause at least a little.

But still, it seemed, there was something about you the princes couldn’t stand. Practically all the two of you did was argue and you began to wonder if you were even capable of bettering yourself. You spent three years trying to be the kind of many worthy of Leia and you were still falling short.

**_“I’m might the only person who knows what you really are.”_ **

**_“What’s that?”_ **

**_“An asshole with nothing to fight for.”_ **

**_“Haven’t found the right cause.”_ **

But now you had, and you were still an asshole. You had a cause you were literally willing to die for, and you still felt like you were getting nowhere.

Your first kiss with Leia was an eye-opener. You both joked about you being a scoundrel and maybe you were, maybe you  _ still  _ are. But she still let you push her against the wall of the engine room, still never took her eyes off you.

“You like me because I’m a scoundrel. There aren’t enough scoundrels in your life,” you said softly, leaning closer and closer. You gave her every opportunity to run away. But she didn’t.

“I happen to like nice men,” she said, but her smile gave her away.

“I’m a nice man,” you countered and your lips found hers and everything really changed. She was finally yours and you were finally her’s and you would do anything for her.

She really changed you. There was a time when you would laugh at the very idea of you settling down with someone, especially a princess. You didn’t used to think you were capable of loving, or being loved in return, but Leia was the first person to see through your bullshit. She was the first person to see past the asshole persona you constantly wore. You were an asshole, but that’s because it’s what you wanted to be.

Not only did she somehow trick you into wanting to be with her forever, somehow being around her all the time rubbed off on you in a good way. You started to care about the cause, the Rebellion. You saw how passionate she was about it, how much it meant to her, and she showed you why, and you started to care.

You wondered, if deep down, you cared before. You wondered if you had always had this heart of gold hidden away somewhere and it just took the right person to dust it off and bring it to the light. You think, even now, that might be the case.

Things weren’t always smooth sailing for you and Leia. You had your problems, just like every couple does, but you were happy, and that’s what mattered. Even happier when your son came into the galaxy, you never imagined the horrors that would follow the birth of your child.

“ **_I might be the only person that knows what you really are.”_ **

“ **_What’s that?”_ **

“ **_An asshole with nothing to fight for.”_ **

“ **_Haven’t found the right cause.”_ **

You wonder if maybe Qi’ra was right. 

You just gave up everything when you son went to the dark side.

Not only did you give up the cause you had started to actually wanting to fight for, you gave up Leia. You have up the only woman that you ever loved just because you thought you were breaking her heart by staying. You know you should have asked, talked to her about it, but maybe you were afraid of the answer. You were afraid she would finally see what you really were and want nothing to do with you. If that wasn’t the case before, it surely is now.

Gods, you missed her. Seeing her again is like stepping into the sun after being in the cold for too long, and you just want to hold her again, tell her everything is going to be okay, but you can’t promise that. That was something you could never offer her, a peace of mind, and you’ve always wished that you could.

And you tell her you’re going to bring him back. That you’re going to bring your son back. And you really believe that. You think that you might be able to get through to him. But you don’t. You can’t.

Right now, you’re staring him in the eyes, and all you can see is darkness. All you see is a cold-hearted boy where your son used to be, but you still don’t give up. If there was anything you would die for, it’s your family. For Luke, for Leia, for Ben. So you try again, you reach and take the saber in your hand, even though you know what’s coming.

And in your final moments, you think of the princess. Of your first meeting, of your first kiss, of when Ben was born, and how she deserved so much better than just you. But it was good, and you were happy, and you loved each other. And you think of your son, a happy boy with so much ahead of him, and you wonder where you went wrong.

But as the saber ignites, and stabs through your chest, you think of one last thing.

“ **_I might be the only person that knows what you really are.”_ **

“ **_What’s that?”_ **

“ **_An asshole with nothing to fight for.”_ **

“ **_Haven’t found the right cause.”_ **

And you realize for the first time, Qi’ra was wrong.

You had something to fight for, and it was worth dying for.


End file.
